Dear Abby: I’ve fallen in love again, but he has a wife with dementia – am I an adulterer?

Dear ABBY: My husband died a year ago after a nine year battle with dementia. I recently met a man, “Richard”, whose wife is in the final stages of dementia, which can last for months or years. We have loved each other and are very compatible.

We are keeping our relationship from his children as dealing with their mother’s slow death seems quite traumatic. Richard’s siblings know and are thrilled to see their brother regain some happiness. My family knows, but their evangelical Christian stance is black and white – to them, I’m an “adulterer.”

It is painful to distance myself from my family, but I feel joy and hope when I am with Richard. Should I invite him until his wife passes? We’re in our mid-60s and we’re afraid we’re running out of time. By the way, Richard is doing well financially. He pays a team of caretakers to be with his wife during the day, and he is with her at night. He wants to keep her at home as long as possible. I admire and love him. am i wrong — WAIT SOUTH

DEAR WAIT: You and Richard are in your 60s – not exactly over the hill. He spends time with his sick wife and makes sure she is taken care of when he cannot be with her. If you find comfort in each other and his wife is not neglected, I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. Then again, I’m not an evangelical Christian. If, however, you find it necessary to live your life by standards other than your own, discuss it with Richard and perhaps “chill” until his wife leaves.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of five years has a 28-year-old daughter, Courtney, who I’ve disliked since day one. She never tried to get to know me and was rude and disrespectful from the start. Her mother ignored her and did nothing.

We’ve gotten to the point where we want to get married and Courtney says we won’t be invited to spend the holidays with her and she’ll never come to visit. In fact, whenever Courtney calls her mom, if I’m around, she hangs up on her mom. Her mother has now broken out with psoriasis and is losing her hair from the stress. She is afraid of losing her daughter and is ready to end our relationship.

I told my girlfriend that her relationship with Courtney is toxic and she needs to back off until Courtney is ready to go to therapy and make amends. Except for the issues created by her daughter, we have an amazing relationship – a love neither of us has experienced before. What should I do? — ROAD BLOCK IN FLORIDA

DEAR ROAD: As long as Courtney is allowed to dictate how her mother lives her life, you two will not have a successful marriage. Unfortunately, the power play Courtney is making isn’t all that unusual. Ask your lady friend to join you for premarital counseling, where a licensed therapist can help her break free of Courtney’s control. I’m not promising it will work, but it’s the best chance you have for a successful future together.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.